1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
This post is for men, and perhaps any women who might be interested. It's a call, an invitation, a plea for manhood. What's this all about? Let me explain.
Over the last several years in ministry life, I have observed a disturbing immaturity among men. I am finding men who are emotionally immature, men who are living like and behaving like boys - even though they may be in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and even into their 60s. This is primarily manifest in men who seem to be unable to take on adult responsibilities, unable to govern their personal interests and emotional or sexual appetites, and apply self control to their desires. I see men in their twenties and thirties who haven't outgrown hours-long video gaming with their friends - doing pretty much the exact same things they were doing with their friends when they were 12 years old. Okay - so before getting blasted for being anti video game, let me say that sure - the occasional gaming session for entertainment can be a fun diversion. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about men who spend many hours a week gaming.
I see similar but different manifestations of "adult adolescence" as well. I see men who are unable to love their wives by putting their own interests second to the needs of their wife. Men who are unwilling to deny themselves personal desires such as drinking, drugs and pornography - all while their families suffer for lack of attention, strength, character, and responsibility. I see men who are unwilling and unable to make clear commitments. I'm concerned about it.
I'm not quite sure how we got here, but I do see some suspects in our culture and other places that likely developed in our upbringing. Our culture has so pressed for the feminization of men that we are now seeing results of that. That's a book in its own right. Further, I think our problem may result from parents and mothers who coddled us, perhaps afraid that if they placed a high bar for us we'd rebel, or turn to unhealthy places. I think it's possible that this is the result of more absentee parents - or just distance from our parents. I think that comes from cell phones, personal computers and other things that have fostered relational isolation and individual living rather than more family relating. With everyone having their own computer, we retreat from family conversations, accountabilities and socialization, to the personal entertainments of our computers. Some of those entertainments take many men toward pornography. The pain this is causing marriages is enormous. I can hardly tell you how much time I spend with couples on this issue. I'm not sure if I'm right about these causes - these reasons and sources. I know that life is complex and the stories are likely unique for each person, but there have to be common contributors too. I am sure however, that many of us have turned to unhealthy practices and places. I am sure that I see many, many men who are little more than adult adolescents.
Here's the hard blow - ready? I find that women are generally much more mature in these matters of life than men are. Not all of course. But in general I find more women who are emotionally mature and able to commit to healthy relationships. But their desire for male companionship is so strong, that many believe they have to settle for an immature man - and then the women too can be influenced by the lower bar of the behavior of men. The other day a woman asked me, "Where are these mature men? Because I'd like to meet one." I get that.
Okay - so guys, I'm with you and I think we need to help one another rise to new levels of maturity. We need to take responsibility, put our wives and children before ourselves, learn self-control for our desires and learn that love is sacrificing ourselves for higher purposes and callings: other people, our wives, our kids, our communities. Higher callings also include less tangible things like character. Becoming a person of mature character is a high calling and the benefits that come from this are enormous for our marriages, families, children, communities, and yes - for ourselves.
So guys, let's help one another grow. Grow in character, grow in emotional maturity, grow to take on responsibility, grow to provide the strength that yes, the whole world needs - - from men. This isn't a tirade against men - please don't mistake it for that. I'm one of us. It's a rallying cry to a new vision of mature manhood. Women are waiting, children are waiting, our society is in deep need.
